saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
