Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
