Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
