He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
