I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
