There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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