I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
