she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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