they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
