who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
