When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
