I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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