Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
