i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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