I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
