i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
