How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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