i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
