Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
