Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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