I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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