I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
