Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
