i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
