This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
