it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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