Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
