before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
