that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
