They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
