after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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