She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
