I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
