it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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