I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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