i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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