the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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