The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
