My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
