Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
