How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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