yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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