I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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