I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
