We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
