Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I AM VODKA MAN
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
