I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's shark week go big or go home
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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