If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
