I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
