someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
