Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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