I want to have your abortion
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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