Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
