Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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