Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
