Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
