Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
