Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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