I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
