She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
