Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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