she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
