Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
