you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
